Shirzad Chamine, in his book “Positive Intelligence,” points out that research he conducted with Stanford University, along with many other experts in the field of Neuroscience, shows we need a ratio of 3 to 1: positive thoughts vs. negative thoughts. It’s especially important for leaders.
How do we do this? Why is this important? Why do we have so many negative thoughts?
First, let me begin with the last question. Why? Evolution, our DNA is the only time the past is present. Our ancestors needed to be aware of many negative factors in their environment, such as poisonous snakes, carnivorous predators, and other inhabitants that attacked.
Today, we have the remnants of that thinking and are nowhere near the danger. We don’t have to worry about being attacked by a sabertoothed tiger on the way to the supermarket or by a PTERODACTYL swooping down in the parking lot.
Next, I’ll address the how. The first step is to pay attention to negative moments and thoughts. Stress, anxiety, shame, blame, anger, disappointment, guilt, self-doubt, and regret in your thoughts or when others are present, or to particular events and circumstances. When you catch yourself, command your mind to come up with 3 positives.
Let’s say you catch yourself beating yourself up for a recent failure. Counter it with 3 positive thoughts, such as, “The gift in this, I learned a lesson and will avoid a much bigger failure in the future.” Another could be, “What is something new I learned about how to deal with this situation?” Finally, Shirzad recommends looking at a picture of yourself when you were four or five years old, loving that little child in you to help your mind empathize with yourself and to remind you that you love yourself no matter what.
We are programmed to believe our own thinking, and to reprogram it to a healthy, positive outlook, which first requires catching it. Many of us, at least I, get hooked by a negative thought for a while and then catch it. I have to notice first. I have not found “The way” to reprogram the mind, and have been working on it for over 25 years. It’s a journey. I can say the negative voice does get lower in volume and less frequent by doing what I call “The Work.”
Lastly, why is this important, especially for leaders? If negative thoughts dominate your thinking, what kind of energy do they project to your team? We can all feel the energy. Did you ever walk into a room and think, “I can cut the tension with a knife?” We feel what our leaders’ energy is as well.
Don’t take my word for any of this. First notice, and prove to yourself that this effort is worth it, and then you own it.
Gratefully yours, Steve
