George Ivanovich Gurdjieff said “Live a life of friction. Let yourself be disturbed as much as possible, but observe.” Most of us want to avoid friction and being disturbed. My goal as a coach is to disturb my clients as much as possible. As a result, I’ve led many to become more self-aware & observant. In my book and Zoom classes, Wake up, Jump into Your Life, I share how the principles of friction and disturbance assist in living a life of joy, satisfaction, and happiness. As we enter this new year of a new decade, I want to take this opportunity to share how being at peace with these two principles can lead to a lifetime of prosperity.
The natural response to friction and disturbance is to surround oneself with like-minded individuals who support our beliefs and nurse our wounds. Many of us have successfully set up walls and safeguards to shut out the unwanted and ultimately, and unknowingly, our own selves. In an attempt to avoid conflict, we’ve managed to circumvent self-observation. We can see all ll the escape routes in modern society as statistics clearly show an increase in alcoholism, drug addiction, obesity, TV consumption, video games, and even sex.
So why friction? Society often urges the opposite and instead encourages the avoidance of any upset or anyone who ‘rubs you the wrong way’. Look at today’s political scene and you’ll see how difficult it can be to get along let alone begin to negotiate with differing views. But, despite the sometimes awkward tweets, this environment of friction is exactly what we
require to learn and grow. Debbie Ford, in her book The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, said “The people and situations that make us uncomfortable are mirroring back to us, the parts of ourselves that we have not acknowledged. What we don’t know that we don’t know.” The journey of self-observation and awareness, therefore, begins by analyzing our daily situations and interactions that have brought about friction in our thinking.
Embracing life with occasional friction and disturbance involves interacting with people or situations that make you uncomfortable, not eliminating or avoiding them. When faced with a discombobulating circumstance, my suggestion is to seek to understand with empathy, especially if you’re feeling a deep internal disturbance. This is an opportunity for self-discovery into “What we don’t know that we don’t know.”, as Debbie Ford mentioned.
Teaching myself and others to become self-aware involves questioning the source of any friction or disturbance with people and events. Below, I’ve outlined a few questions that may assist you in better observing your thinking.
How has this specific situation made you feel? Why?
What is the perceived threat or hurt?
What are your similarities and specific differences?
Why is it that you’ve chosen to react?
Is it possible that you are limiting your thinking?
By accepting an attitude of gratitude towards friction, which comes about despite any escape or resistance, we ultimately find happiness. I am still learning to overcome what I call my “acorn brain” or the “little fucker” who often shouts into my consciousness, inviting me to make myself and others wrong. As Eckhart Tolle says “Some people think reality is nuts and when you fight life, life fights you.”
It is only through inviting with open arms those people who disturb me that I begin to learn just how small-minded I am in some areas of my life. By accepting all moments of my life as they show up, I surrender into what is and accept it as part of the greater plan. I can have a sense of humor about my acorn brain and overcome it by making a new choice to love and embrace the gift that friction brings.
The oyster yields a pearl only by living with and accommodating an irritating grain of sand.
Who are the grains of sand in your life? What events are the same?
Choose to make your life one of embracing friction and disturbances as the true gifts that you have not unwrapped. Accept them as a favor for turning you into a pearl over your lifetime and in each moment you might find the joy, satisfaction, and happiness that you have been seeking through avoidance.
Thank you, I am grateful.
Steve
